The Trouble with Hemlock

Standing up to two metres tall, the giant, but deadly poisonous (if consumed in any way) Hemlock cuts an imposing figure in any hedgerow and provides an excellent environment within which unwitting children might easily choose to make dens and play games.

Should they ever be asked to list poisonous species of British native or naturalized plants and fungi, most people would struggle to think much beyond the aptly named "Death Cap" fungus,  with its sickly-sweet smell and ability to cause severe vomiting followed by irreversable liver and kidney failure if consumed or perhaps Fly Agaric, the extremely toxic, red-capped toadstool of children's storybooks. Then again, they might think of that old....er....Chestnut of the potato family, Deadly Nightshade (Belladonna)....of which just two or three of its seductively shiny berries are enough to kill a child (although Pheasants seem quite happy to eat them with no apparent ill effects)!

Such species often contain extremely powerful toxins and poisons such as alkaloid-based atropine, solanine and hyoscyanine all of which attack the nervous system, ultimately resulting in an excruciatingly painful death!

However, it may come as a surprise to some that there are in fact, dozens, if not scores of very poisonous plants and fungi growing quite freely throughout the UK, including plants such as Henbane (used by Crippen as a source for hyoscine to poison his wife) and the attractively named Stinking Hellebore and its close relative, Green Hellebore (both once used as violent purgatives to kill gastronomic worms in children, but eventually abandoned because of their tendency to kill the patient as well!). Then there's the good old Marsh Marigold and the Buttercup family's very own Globeflower, both are poisonous and vigorously avoided by both wild animals and domestic livestock. I occasionally stumble across the fetid-smelling Dog's Mercury, a woodland species of Parsley. This is another extremely poisonous plant once considered by some medieval herbalists to be our most deadly of all plants! It's enthusiastically avoided by animals, though any livestock unlucky enough to eat just a small amount of it accidentally have been known to linger-on for weeks before eventually dying!

I love eating Chanterelle Mushrooms for example, but if you ever fancy picking your own, then you had better be absolutely certain that you can tell them apart from the very similar, but highly toxic, Deadly Webcap, Fools Webcap or even the quaintly-named Jack O'Lantern....the latter having been introduced at some point from the USA where it is still a common cause of poisoning!

Looking like some sort of relief map seen from space, of a chain of Newfoundland islands covered in snow, the flat compound umbel flower formations of Hemlock belie their true poisonous nature and could prove more than a temptaion to anyone planning to add a few interesting wildflowers to the vase on the dining-room table....except perhaps, that they do actually smell uncannily similar to my son's socks after they've sat, overlooked, at the bottom of the laundry-basket for a week or so! Another indicator I think, of this plant's darker side and possibly that of my son as well!

So what's all this got to do with Hemlock? Well, as most of you will know, Hemlock, despite being another member of the Parsley family, is also a very poisonous plant. In fact, it contains a significant number of alkaloid chemicals, including very high concentrations of deadly coniine, making the entire plant extremely poisonous....from the stem-sap to the leaves, right up to the flowers! Crikey,  even the witches in Macbeth used a "root of Hemlock digg'd i' the dark" to add extra-special potency to their magic brew (allegedly)!

Most famously perhaps, in the year 399 BC (probably around quarter past four in the afternoon and before the evening news), the Greek philosopher Socrates was accused by some other guys in charge of important stuff, of "corrupting the young" and "neglecting the Gods". Found guilty, he was subsequently sentenced to death and forced to drink a cup of Hemlock, which was the standard form of execution reserved for judicial executions in those days and which, I believe, should be re-introduced today as a pro-active and highly cost-effective incentive to encourage our beloved modern polititians to get their bl**dy acts together and to stop behaving as though they think we're completely stupid!

Slightly more to the point though, there has been a marked decrease in the amount of Hemlock growing in our fields and hedgerows since the widespread introduction of modern weedkillers across the UK during the 1970s and 1980s and this has resulted in an equally noticeable decrease in awareness, particularly by local education authorities of the very real hazards to young children that the humble Hemlock plant can create!

However, I've been noticing over the last four or five years in particular that Hemlock appears to be on the increase and that 2007 is witnessing a resurgence of Conium maculatum like never before! It suddenly seems to be growing all over the place and this, as with the Broad-Leaved Dock, may well be due to subtle changes currently taking place in agricultural land management in conjunction with increased and more effective conservation legislation related to other issues.

A cut section of Cow Parsley stem showing its hollow, tube-like nature that made it so appealing for making penny-whistles and pea-shooters when I was a kid.

"So what?" I hear you say. Well, when I was a boy, girls often enjoyed crafting penny-whistles out of hollow-stemmed plants such as Cow Parsley and boys would make crude, but effective pea-shooters while playing out on the school field during break-times and lunch-periods in the Summer sunshine. In those days, almost everyone knew the difference between Cow Parsley and Hemlock, despite their strong similarities, but every now and then, a younger child would try to make something out of a Hemlock stem and, after putting the end of their newly-crafted penny-whistle or pea-shooter into their mouths a sufficient number of times, would suddenly become very ill and there were even a number of deaths recorded amongst school children from Hemlock poisoning over the years!

For me, the diagnostic red-blotched stems of Hemlock make the entire plant look particularly unwholesome and could well be Nature's way of putting off any animals planning to eat it!

Still confused? Well, last year I began to notice more and more Hemlock on my travels, especially where it appeared to be growing unchecked around and about the playing fields of a number of schools (particularly primary schools) in the South-West of England and this year it's even worse! Consequently, I've taken it upon myself to at least warn the staff in schools where Hemlock is growing of the very real dangers inherent in allowing it to grow willy-nilly on their premises and where possibly bored or inquisitive children might try experimenting with it or try picking it and/or playing with any part of it!

Fifty years ago, education authorities, especially those with schools situated in rural areas, were more than tuned-in to the hazards associated with most poisonous species of plants and fungi and individual school caretakers (remember school caretakers?) were expected to deal with any potential problems before they occured. These days however, things are slightly different and no-one up at your local Shire Hall is likely to know the first thing about the dangers posed by Hemlock....or anything else for that matter!

Even the flower of White Bryony looks all wrong and should serve as a warning to anyone planning to eat the berry when it finally appears!

Just this week, I was driving past a school in Gloucestershire when I noticed that it was virtually surrounded by, not only Hemlock, but the hazardous hedge-creeping White Bryony whose attractive berries are not only very poisonous, but often tend to grow at a perfect height for inquisitive, sticky little fingers to pick! I subsequently pulled over and inspected the hedgerows and felt that there was a clear and present danger to any child in the school suddenly attracted to the plants for whatever reason. I then went into the school to offer my advice. The school secretary was surprised by what I told her, but seemed genuinely concerned and, after showing her the extent of the problem, she promised to ring Shire Hall and get someone over to deal with it. She also told me that because they don't have a caretaker at the school any more, Shire Hall usually gets someone to simply come round a couple of times each Summer to cut things back a bit!

In my own experience of working in both education and industry, it's not just school secretaries, but secretaries everywhere who actually run the establishments they work for and who do all the organizing, communicating and creative-thinking, while the various bosses and managers tend to do all the blustering, socializing and devisive interfering....basically, bosses just THINK they're in charge and running things! I actually have a theory that if you suddenly took company secretaries (and dinner-ladies) out of the social equation, we'd have complete and total economic collapse within forty-eight hours....It would be a return to the Dark Ages!

Anyhoo, when I approached a school with a similar Hemlock problem in Somerset a couple of weeks ago, the deputy head (a man) informed me (in no uncertain terms) that they'd never had a problem with Hemlock before, or any other plants for that matter and didn't anticipate having one in the future....besides, where exactly did I think the money was going to come from to pay someone to get rid of it? "What about a parent, couldn't they do it?" I asked. "Health and Safety wouldn't allow us to use a non-professional" was the reply "not if it's something poisonous....we'd probably end up being sued!" I wondered what Health and Safety would think if a school allowed a child to poison itself simply because it had failed to appreciate that there was any kind of a problem in the first place! Not only that, but what a stupid and pointless way for any child to become gravely ill when the cause is so easily preventable!

We have a hard and fast rule in this country that I choose to call "The Stable-Door Syndrome"....Basically, it seems to me that things are rarely done that might actually serve to prevent a tragedy until one actually occurs....or until that is, the horse has well and truly bolted....so to speak! Then there always follows a great deal of hand-wringing, accusation-making, finger-pointing, buck-passing and all-round recrimination amongst the various groups concerned until, finally, the stable-door is slammed shut! Disco riverboat disasters, underground tube station fires, rail crashes, Channel ferry catastrophies, supersonic passenger jet crashes, vehicle safety issues all spring quite readily to mind! 

In complete contrast to the Somerset school however and only two days later, the Head of a primary school near Oxford (a woman) was very appreciative of my concerns and she e-mailed me that very evening to say that the Dad of one of the children (a local farmer) had come into school as soon as he was contacted and had dealt with the problem during the afternoon!

I can almost hear both my readers saying...."but it will probably never be a problem, if only because today's TV and Playstation generation aren't ever going to find themselves sitting out on a school playing field in the sunshine making penny-whistles and pea-shooters and no four year-old that they know would ever pick a White Bryony berry, no matter how appealing it looked, let alone stick it in their mouth....possibly because it looks too much like regular fruit!" Well, you're probably right, but I shall go on warning schools about the potential dangers of certain plants growing along the edge of their playgrounds or in their little nature gardens just in case there happens to be just one child out there somewhere who's stupid enough or badly informed enough to try it!

Footnote....I was delighted to see as I drove past the little Gloucestershire primary school mentioned above a few days later, that the school secretary had indeed been true to her word and that someone had subsequently visited the school and removed all signs of either Hemlock or White Bryony from the hedgerows....see what I mean about sectretaries....If you want something done properly and with the minimum of fuss....

More Sculpture

I call this work "Boxing Lagomorphs" and I fell in love with it the moment I spotted it in a private garden recently. Not that you'll be interested, but contrary to popular opinion, it's not usually the Buck Hares that "Box" during the "Mad March Hare season". In fact, it tends to be pugilistically-inclined Does competing for the attentions of passing potential suitors who participate in prancing fisticuffs!

I really like this work....it occupies a space within the grounds of Tewkesbury Abbey and is adjacent to the old Abbey School, one wall of which can be seen in the background of the photograph. My Mum went to school there in the 1920s and 1930s until she left to start a full-time job when she reached fourteen! She loved to write poetry and wanted more than anything to be a poet when she grew up....sadly, she spent the following fifty years working in factories! I still have many of the poems she actually wrote back then, plus a wonderful old photograph (below) of my Mum taken with her classmates (half of whom I'm related to by adoption) inside the school around 1925/1927.

My Mum is seated second from the left in the front row with my aunt Betty on her right and my aunt Doris on her left. My uncle Chris (I think) is standing at the back, next to the girl on the swing. The class teacher was a Mrs. Smith. Notice how all but one of the girls have their hair cut in a bob....This wasn't just a nod to the hair-style fashions of the day, but down to the fact that everyone's hair used to be cut by Mums or older sisters and the "bob" style was probably not only the easiest to manage, but also far less demanding with regard to head-lice, nits and fleas! Children with shaven heads stained with iodine wasn't an altogether uncommon sight right up to the sixties!
Half of the building is now given over to the Abbey coffee shop, but  interestingly perhaps, the Abbey School is only a hundred metres or so from what is now Tewkesbury Prep School....formerly the Girl's High School. It was there, several decades ago, that both Joan and Jackie Collins received much of their formative education!

Christmas Reindeer

Not only crumbling, but literally dissolving away...this comemmorative stone tablet on the exterior of Stow Church will soon have lost its "legend" altogether and "Mary Freeman's" name (like those listed above hers) will be gone forever! I notice that the vast majority of "older" stone tablets, plaques, gravestones and statues situated all over the Cotswolds reveal a recent and very alarming acceleration in such deteriorating effects! A combination of normal weathering and much higher concentrations of acidic rain caused by the drastically  increased levels of fuel emissions will soon wipe away all vestiges of what I think are historically important social records! Is anyone else out there putting together any kind of pictorial record of such things? Have any of the churches themselves, or possibly local community groups, attempted to compile any type of visual archive in an attempt to record, for posterity, all such inscriptions (let alone the basic features of statues or memorials)....or will it be yet another case of too little, too late when someone finally realizes that there are suddenly no such inscriptions left to read on anything more than fifty years old (or less)? Oh well, I do my bit and have done for several years, but that's not nearly enough....I can't photograph and archive every gravestone, statue and memorial inscription in every corner of every churchyard, village and town in the Cotswolds. It would take hundreds, if not thousands of hours....besides, it's amazing how many people get upset when they see some dork like me spending two or three hours in a churchyard just photographing gravestones....they get quite shirty sometimes!